Downwrite - Every writer is a frustrated actor who recites his lines in the hidden auditorium of his skull; Rod Serling

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Downwrite - July 2007

LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK VII: MAX

July 29th 2007 08:24

Max started to waddle down the isle. As he waddled across he heard a noise from the far-left corner of the herbs and spices isle.

“Grubba Zubba Noo!” Max turned around but no one was there. He kept waddling.
“RUBBA BUBBA DOO!” He turned around again but no one was there. He kept waddling.
“KUBBA WUBBA POO!!!” He turned around, an out of the isle came a Common Norwegian Nose-Gobbler!

“Aaaarrrrg!” Screamed Max and waddled away as fast as his extraordinarily short legs would carry him. But he waddled in vain. The nose gobbler jumped in front of him and gobbled his nose.

“Aaaaaarg!” screamed Max, poking the nose gobbler, then wielding his rubber chicken and preparing for battle. The nose gobbler sent fourth his trusty tong and ate the rubber chicken.
“RUBBA CHUBBA NOO!” It exclaimed.

“Errr yes, that’s all very well, but I need my nose back” Said Max. When the Nose gobbler refused to spit it out he pulled out the cane toad launcher out and aimed it at him. The Nose gobbler sent forth his tong again and ate it. Now everyone knows that Cane toads are poisonous, but few know the particularly terrible effect they have of Nose gobblers. The nose gobbler wibbled and wobbled, bubbled and fizzled, squiggled and boggled and then with a huge “BIP!” his nose turned into a cauliflower.

“Aaaaarg!” Screamed the nose gobbler. Max grabbed a bottle of not-so-mixed herbs from the shelf and bashed the nose gobbler over the head until it ran off and hid. He put the now-very-mixed herbs on the shelf and waddled down the isle. Soon he heard a rumbling sound. Max waited in anticipation, arming himself with a bottle of Basil. Around the corner came the lost grade seven class of 1992.

“Help” Whimpered the teacher. The grade sevens grinned maniacally, holding the teacher by the ear. Their hair was wild and woolly, and their teeth had mostly fallen out.

“Do any of you know how I can get my nose back?” called Max. One grade sevener said something and they all laughed.

“Nah, and we can’t help you either, we’re busy” Said the leader, who’s name was Tom.

“Doing what?” asked Max.

“We’re seeing who can throw the teacher furthest!” Said the fat second in command, called Dick.

“That’s terrible!” Cried Max.

“Ain’t it just? Wanna go?” asked third in command, a pimply fellow called Barry.

“Never! Your evil scheme must be prevented! I will fight to the death with my…” Max realized he was armed only with a container of basil, and the other students wielded jabbing-sticks. He dropped the basil and picked up the teacher and threw him all the way out of the shopping centre.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaăaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaāaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaąrrg!!!!!!!!!!!!” Said the teacher.

“Cool!” Cried Barry, and ran after him with all the other students. Max waddled out the isle as fast as his very little legs could carry him.