Brenton
itumeleng kganyago
Shea
Always Eighteen
AhmedHeartbreak
November 13th 2007 12:40
The question I'm left with, as my wound heals (and I pray it doesn't tear open and bleed like it has done before) is obviously 'did that really just happen?', except it's more in the realm of 'did that really just fucking happen?'. I'm an objective, sane minded, realistic dude, I'm very much incapable of emotional thought unless it has some solid rational backing, I hardly understand it as it is.
I've seen it happen to people, but I never thought it could happen to me. My thoughts always were 'just stick to the road, think rationally about it and you'll get through with no emotional baggage'. Sadly the logic of 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' didn't quite cut it when it came time to do the road test. I wanted this fish, I wanted only this one, maybe I still do but I dare not go there (lest I open up the wound), of all the billions of fish in the sea I wanted this one and no other would do. What was this reasoning? This single minded determination? This isn't a movie, this is real life, shit doesn't go down here like it does in Hollywood.
Did I love her for all those years, a continent and country apart? I’m not really sure... Do I love her now? Yes. I never could have been sure, not until I started talking to her, then it came to me that it was more than just some sort of material lust, I genuinely was in love with her.
But like all good, even magical things, this was not meant to be. It wasn’t meant to be for several reasons, more so than I can list here. In the end I had to accept it, I cannot have her, we’re too different, we live too far away from each other and she’s taken.
So I might love her, but she’s my friend first, and that, is the cause of my heartbreak.
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