Brandon 2
KitaJack and Jill Went up the Hill - Chapter 4 "The Day I Killed Myself"
December 11th 2007 13:22
(this is a continuation and re-imagination of the previous unfinished series 'Guilt and Me', the main character has been renamed Jack, all other details remain the same).
The next day there was numbness inside of me, the healing from my wounds were starting to heal already. I didn’t want it to but I had to accept it, wounds heal, new wounds open. Brendan didn’t say much that morning as we prepared for the long march ahead of us, the long march for the long day in the longest night of my life. Sweating from the heat we headed out, through the mud, through the trees, the bodies of water, through the jungles intestines we soldiered on carrying our heavy gear along with us.
After what seemed like an eternity of marching we came across a dead soldier, strung up on a tree and decomposing badly. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen, the jungle had got to him, digested him like the beast it was. We cut him loose and looked for a way to identify him but there was none. Just a nameless dead soldier, hanging from a tree to scare people like us. ‘There’s a village not too far down from here, might know something about this’ said Ben. It was obvious what we had to do and radioing to HQ only reaffirmed it. We had to go and investigate the village, look for weapons and find any potential Vietcong.
I had been holding a gun for a very long time, but never with the intention of killing someone until now. Even though I promised myself that I wouldn’t shoot unless I absolutely had to I was still afraid. The thought someone wanted me dead was over baring but I knew what I had to do, for queen and country and all that.
There was no attack, no gunshots, we just marched into the village. Ben, Callum and some of the other guys who were here long before us did carry with them an arrogant attitude harassing the children and animals, it didn’t get much worse than Callum kicking a dog but it was still frightening seeing them do what they were.
Callum started chasing after this one boy, he must have been five, I got angry with him, yelled at him to stop it. ‘Make me’ he said defiantly at which point I was angry enough to shoot him, here I am with a loaded rifle and he’s trying to pick a fight with me, I’d kill the bastard. But I didn’t, I walked up to him and pushed him, hard, he fell back, got up and tried to take a swing at me. Ben pulled him back before it got messy, told Callum to calm down.
That didn’t end my anger, I sincerely wanted to kill him. Everything around me was just madness, none of it made sense, harassing children, abusing animals, yet the most incomprehensible part of it all was we weren’t doing anything about it. We just looked at the soldiers doing what they were right in front of us. They weren’t helping our cause, they were making things worse for us and everyone else.
We started searching each individual hut. There was this one man, the only adult male in the village. He looked like he was my age, he was sitting down and was visibly nervous but was trying to hold his fear back. It was in vein, his eyes gave it away.
‘Let’s go’ I told Ben, ‘There’s nothing here, no guns, nothing, he isn’t one of them’. To my great relief it looked like he agreed there was no need for anymore trouble. Sadly the relief was short lived, outside a girl screamed, the man yelled something, got up from where he was sitting, pushing over Ben over in the process. I don't know what came over me, but I instinctively pulled up my rifle and shot him in the back. He fell forward violently and hit the floor hard.
For a few moments, I don't know how long, I just blanked out. I started feeling dizzy and sick where I stood, then looking up I saw the results of my handiwork. A woman, maybe in her twenties, beant over her crying loudly, holding and hugging his lifeless body. It was then I realized, that man I shot and killed was me, he did what I would have done, died protecting his family, and that woman, she was Jill, she was in love with him.
The next day there was numbness inside of me, the healing from my wounds were starting to heal already. I didn’t want it to but I had to accept it, wounds heal, new wounds open. Brendan didn’t say much that morning as we prepared for the long march ahead of us, the long march for the long day in the longest night of my life. Sweating from the heat we headed out, through the mud, through the trees, the bodies of water, through the jungles intestines we soldiered on carrying our heavy gear along with us.
After what seemed like an eternity of marching we came across a dead soldier, strung up on a tree and decomposing badly. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen, the jungle had got to him, digested him like the beast it was. We cut him loose and looked for a way to identify him but there was none. Just a nameless dead soldier, hanging from a tree to scare people like us. ‘There’s a village not too far down from here, might know something about this’ said Ben. It was obvious what we had to do and radioing to HQ only reaffirmed it. We had to go and investigate the village, look for weapons and find any potential Vietcong.
I had been holding a gun for a very long time, but never with the intention of killing someone until now. Even though I promised myself that I wouldn’t shoot unless I absolutely had to I was still afraid. The thought someone wanted me dead was over baring but I knew what I had to do, for queen and country and all that.
There was no attack, no gunshots, we just marched into the village. Ben, Callum and some of the other guys who were here long before us did carry with them an arrogant attitude harassing the children and animals, it didn’t get much worse than Callum kicking a dog but it was still frightening seeing them do what they were.
Callum started chasing after this one boy, he must have been five, I got angry with him, yelled at him to stop it. ‘Make me’ he said defiantly at which point I was angry enough to shoot him, here I am with a loaded rifle and he’s trying to pick a fight with me, I’d kill the bastard. But I didn’t, I walked up to him and pushed him, hard, he fell back, got up and tried to take a swing at me. Ben pulled him back before it got messy, told Callum to calm down.
That didn’t end my anger, I sincerely wanted to kill him. Everything around me was just madness, none of it made sense, harassing children, abusing animals, yet the most incomprehensible part of it all was we weren’t doing anything about it. We just looked at the soldiers doing what they were right in front of us. They weren’t helping our cause, they were making things worse for us and everyone else.
We started searching each individual hut. There was this one man, the only adult male in the village. He looked like he was my age, he was sitting down and was visibly nervous but was trying to hold his fear back. It was in vein, his eyes gave it away.
‘Let’s go’ I told Ben, ‘There’s nothing here, no guns, nothing, he isn’t one of them’. To my great relief it looked like he agreed there was no need for anymore trouble. Sadly the relief was short lived, outside a girl screamed, the man yelled something, got up from where he was sitting, pushing over Ben over in the process. I don't know what came over me, but I instinctively pulled up my rifle and shot him in the back. He fell forward violently and hit the floor hard.
For a few moments, I don't know how long, I just blanked out. I started feeling dizzy and sick where I stood, then looking up I saw the results of my handiwork. A woman, maybe in her twenties, beant over her crying loudly, holding and hugging his lifeless body. It was then I realized, that man I shot and killed was me, he did what I would have done, died protecting his family, and that woman, she was Jill, she was in love with him.
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