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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK IX: THE SAGA’S STILL CARRYING ON…

August 24th 2007 06:57
Feeling the need for a break the author decided to recite a poem.

A fellow called Terry
Who ate a berry
Had knees
That he covered in peas
And he said to the vet
(Something I’ll never forget)
Poems ryme
All the time
Except for when
They don’t
Like this one
You silly bun!


“You Spelt ‘Rhyme’ wrong!” accused Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker, picking up on a spelling mistake. “And anyway, aren’t you supposed to be writing our story?”
“Yeah!” said Aunty Oxidant.

“Yeah!” said Stan the unbrave.

“Shut up” said Aunty Oxidant. The author apologized and began writing the story again.

Suddenly from either end of the Not-so-wholly temple came Wibble-Snits and Mr Chunderbum, dressed in sumo gear.

“That’s a mighty fine jockstrap you’re wearing there!” complimented Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“Do you really think so?” Asked Mr Chunderbum.

“Oh, definitely” said Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“It really brings out your eyes” added Aunty Oxidant.

“Hey!” Said Mr Chunderbum. “I don’t have any eyes! I’m a fishcake you fools!” He looked at them with mild suspicion. “You’re not sucking up to me so you’ll have an easier time trying to defeat the remaining three fishcake lords are you?” He said, mildly suspicious.

“Of course not!” cried Aunty Oxidant.

“No way” said Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“No how!” bellowed James the bold.

“Maybe” admitted Mudd. Suddenly the fishcakes attacked. As Wibble-snits approached, James turned once more into Stan. Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker broke into a mad breakdance and spun and twisted his way through battle with Mr Chunderbum. Aunty Oxidant ducked blows, then sat once on Wibble-Snits, splattering bits of fishcake all over the ground. Mr Chunderbum swung at Mudd, who ducked, then withdrew his rubber chicken to enter into fierce battle with him. Mr Chunderbum fort him off, then turned to Stan the unbrave who wet his pants. Before Stan was sliced and diced into tender bite sized chunks of Stan, Max grabbed a passing blues tune, wrapped it around Mr Chunderbum’s waist and sliced him in two.

“Good job Max!” cried Mudd.

“Absolutely smashing” Said Ernie the burger man.

“You weren’t in the story two lines ago! Where did you come from?” asked Max.

“I dunno.” Said Ernie. “But I’m not leaving till the fat lady pays me $72.05 for them burgers she stole.”

Aunty Oxidant grumbled a bit then found Seventy-two dollars worth of change in her knickers and an empty soft drink can worth five cents when deposited in South Australia.

Ernie left, never to appear in this story again.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK VIII: THE SAGA CONTINUES.

August 22nd 2007 03:10
At the end of the isle everyone checked their injures.

“I have a bruised head,” said Aunty Oxidant.

“I have no hair, pierced ears, full makeup, and a hundred Band-Aids that refuse to get off my scratched knee” claimed Mudd.

“I’m all covered in milk” sulked Stan.

“I have no weapons and my nose is gone.” proclaimed Max.

“My hand is crushed, my surname crossed out and I smell like beetroot” announced Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“I’m a chocolate bar” said Fred, and made crying noises, even though chocolate bars can’t cry. Everyone made sympathetic noises.

“Awww”

“Ohhh”

“Boohoo”

“Fuuuung”

“Pleat” Stan suddenly decided that pleat was his favourite word and began to chant it until Aunty Oxidant (still upset at not getting anything from the confectionery isle) wobbled her huge bum and sat on him until he sneezed for mercy. Mudd picked up Fred and put him in his pocket to put in his wife’s turnapersonwhowasachocolateba rbackintoapersonagainifier.

“Come” Said Max.

“We must now journey yonder down the freezer isle.” Without speaking they turned around and began to journey yonder down the freezer isle. The cruel cold winds lashed against their skin. Penguins in business suits, skated down the path of ice. One of the penguins ate a tub of yogurt and exploded in an immense and terrifying blue red flame with a deafening pop!

“Even the yogurt is cursed with the evil of the fishcakes. They must be close.” Said Mudd as he was flopped by a flying flapping flipper.

Where the penguins had stood lay a smoking pair of penguin feet. Aunty Oxidant picked them up and squeezed her fat feet into them.

“Look at me! I’m a penguin! Quack quack quack!”

“You’re a nutter, that’s what you are.” Said Mudd.

“Penguins don’t go quack!” Said Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker, who had a small family of them who lived in his shower and ate jelly beans.
“They go ‘Bwornk’”

“Shut up” Said Max.

“You shut up” Said Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“No, you shut up.”

“Both of you shut up!” Said Aunty Oxidant.

“Shut up!” They yelled.

“You shut up first!”

“No you!”

“You shut up!”

“Shut up!” Said Mudd.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker, Aunty Oxidant and Max.

“Let’s all shut up” said Stan.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker, Aunty Oxidant, Max and Mudd.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled the penguins.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled the nose gobbler.

“SHUT UUUUP” Sang the toiletries.

“SSSSSSSSSSHUT UP” Hissed the lolly snake.

“SHUT UP” Yelled the lost class of 1992.

“Please be quiet” Said their teacher.

“SHUTTUP” Yelled Nat the frog.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled little sister.

“GRUT UP!” Yelled Carrotzilla.

“SHUT UP!” Yelled all the Shoppers and the fruit bats and the window cleaners and the singers and dancers and tinkers and tailors and soldiers and sailors and government agents and film stars and that funny little dog in the fruit juice commercial and people who made plastic cats and pro basketball players and all the people who’s bums fell off due to radiation poisoning and computer geeks and cows and donkeys and teachers and cheesecakes and ants and lumberjacks and hard-core bikies and their mums who made them lunch in dinky little lunchboxes and rocket scientists and fleas and carnivorous socks and firemen and even little old ladies who had no teeth.

Everyone shut up.

They continued until they got to the end of the freezer isle. Then they saw a large sign by the tunnel to the second level of the shopping centre. Crudely written in tarter sauce was;

Worning: No entrense beyond this point. Bi order of the eevil fishcakes – masters of evil, villiny, trechery, beestlyhood, etc. Any dim-witted fool hoo dares enter will die a horribil and sumwat iky deth (posibly involving magits and blenders)!ggggiiig.

“Maggots!” Cried Aunty Oxidant.

“And blenders!” Gasped Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

“And Fishcakes!” Exclaimed Mudd.

“Oh My,” said Fred.

“What an uneducated lot these fishcakes are to write such badly spelt signs,” commented Aunty Oxidant.

“Nah” said Mudd. “It’s just a cliché”

“I like cliché’s” said Ernie the burger man.

“You weren’t in the story two lines ago! Where did you come from?” asked Max.

“I dunno.” Said Ernie and disappeared from the text again, but not before Aunty Oxidant had stolen twelve burgers with the lot.

They entered past the badly spelt sign. The dark tunnel echoed their every footstep.

Suddenly the lights blew on and three fishcakes; Agmort, Cruze and Mebumsnum road high on their crusty seeds and attacked them with mildly rusty razor blades. The warriors fourth back with their rubber chickens and cane-toad launchers, yet their weapons were no match for the skill and stamina of the fish cakes. Cruze swung his razor blade at James and chopped off his eyebrows. James, who had been growing his eyebrows into an eyebrow afro got cranky and jumped at Mebumsnum who threw him to the ground. As he hit the floor he found a highly explosive cheese-ball. He threw it at the fishcakes and it highly exploded, blowing pieces of fishcakes and crusty seeds across the room. Fire blew across the floor. Aunty Oxidant began spitting on it.

“Run! Hurry!” Cried Max, hurrying the fishcake warriors to safety. The flames blew across the ground. Aunty Oxidant kept spitting on it.

In his hurry to escape, Mudd fell in the fire and burst into flame. Aunty Oxidant ran over to his side, and began spitting on him. He poked her nose then stopped, dropped and rolled.

“Fire rhymes with fire.” Said Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker.

They escaped the fire drenched tunnel and ran into the not-so-holy temple of the fishcakes.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK VII: MAX

July 29th 2007 08:24
Max started to waddle down the isle. As he waddled across he heard a noise from the far-left corner of the herbs and spices isle.

“Grubba Zubba Noo!” Max turned around but no one was there. He kept waddling.
“RUBBA BUBBA DOO!” He turned around again but no one was there. He kept waddling.
“KUBBA WUBBA POO!!!” He turned around, an out of the isle came a Common Norwegian Nose-Gobbler!

“Aaaarrrrg!” Screamed Max and waddled away as fast as his extraordinarily short legs would carry him. But he waddled in vain. The nose gobbler jumped in front of him and gobbled his nose.

“Aaaaaarg!” screamed Max, poking the nose gobbler, then wielding his rubber chicken and preparing for battle. The nose gobbler sent fourth his trusty tong and ate the rubber chicken.
“RUBBA CHUBBA NOO!” It exclaimed.

“Errr yes, that’s all very well, but I need my nose back” Said Max. When the Nose gobbler refused to spit it out he pulled out the cane toad launcher out and aimed it at him. The Nose gobbler sent forth his tong again and ate it. Now everyone knows that Cane toads are poisonous, but few know the particularly terrible effect they have of Nose gobblers. The nose gobbler wibbled and wobbled, bubbled and fizzled, squiggled and boggled and then with a huge “BIP!” his nose turned into a cauliflower.

“Aaaaarg!” Screamed the nose gobbler. Max grabbed a bottle of not-so-mixed herbs from the shelf and bashed the nose gobbler over the head until it ran off and hid. He put the now-very-mixed herbs on the shelf and waddled down the isle. Soon he heard a rumbling sound. Max waited in anticipation, arming himself with a bottle of Basil. Around the corner came the lost grade seven class of 1992.

“Help” Whimpered the teacher. The grade sevens grinned maniacally, holding the teacher by the ear. Their hair was wild and woolly, and their teeth had mostly fallen out.

“Do any of you know how I can get my nose back?” called Max. One grade sevener said something and they all laughed.

“Nah, and we can’t help you either, we’re busy” Said the leader, who’s name was Tom.

“Doing what?” asked Max.

“We’re seeing who can throw the teacher furthest!” Said the fat second in command, called Dick.

“That’s terrible!” Cried Max.

“Ain’t it just? Wanna go?” asked third in command, a pimply fellow called Barry.

“Never! Your evil scheme must be prevented! I will fight to the death with my…” Max realized he was armed only with a container of basil, and the other students wielded jabbing-sticks. He dropped the basil and picked up the teacher and threw him all the way out of the shopping centre.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaăaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaāaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaąrrg!!!!!!!!!!!!” Said the teacher.

“Cool!” Cried Barry, and ran after him with all the other students. Max waddled out the isle as fast as his very little legs could carry him.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS:BOOK VI: FRED

July 12th 2007 11:36
Fred was too lazy to go through the herbs and spices isle so he went out of Woolworth’s, and made his way towards the transporter shop.

“The ones that are grown by Aussie farmers!” Said a passing young lout with big ears.On the way there the ground suddenly shook.
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Is This For Real?

July 11th 2007 04:35
She was right behind me, sitting three seats back in the bus. Every once in a while I'd try to sneak a glimpse of her, even if only temporary. I didn't want her to know I was trying to get glimpses of her though she may have already figured it out, after all, we'd been taking the same bus for the past three months and everytime I had endeavoured to grab a few gazes at her, microseconds in length so that she wouldn't notice.

My friends would just ask me why I wouldn't talk to her, and everytime I'd reply the same 'she's beautiful and smart, I'm ugly and stupid'. Even today I'm not sure how true my statement was or to what degree I agree with it. Was, or is my self esteem really so low


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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK VI: FRED

June 21st 2007 03:19
Fred was too lazy to go through the herbs and spices isle so he went out of Woolworth’s, and made his way towards the transporter shop.

“The ones that are grown by Aussie farmers!” Said a passing young lout with big ears.On the way there the ground suddenly shook.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS PART V: LOCI BROKILI THE COOL AND FUNKY DISCO BREAKER

June 16th 2007 05:45

Loci Brokili the cool and funky disco breaker went through the pet food isle.
“Mmm…Pet food” He said with a gleam in his eye. He had never told anyone, but eating Unlucky Dog dog food twice a day was the reason he was such a funky disco breaker. He grabbed a can and tried to pry the lid off. Suddenly a voice boomed out of the loudspeaker.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK IV: STAN/JAMES

April 20th 2007 04:50
BOOK IV: STAN\JAMES
James the bold walked boldly into the cereal isle for three steps before his alter ego Stan the unbrave took over. Suddenly the room seemed full of hidden dangers all waiting to destroy him. The Rice Popsies seemed sinister, the Froot Hoops evil, the Wheetie Bricks intent on his destruction, and everything seemed to be sitting there waiting for their opportunity to jump on him and pummel him into the ground. He screamed and ran through the isle. The rice popsies at the end, although being a peaceful species were enthusiastic tricksters, and they flowed from their packets and molded themselves into a horned rice popsie demon. Confronted by the sight Stan screamed and ran the opposite way where the Eggplant rice popsies had moulded themselves into a large purple nose which walked towards him and shot green broccoli rice popsies out it’s nostrils. The Wheetie bricks at the back who were also a peaceful species, yet lacked a sense of humor were unimpressed.
“I can’t solve this problem” Mumbled one.
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK III: MUDD MULLIGAN

April 18th 2007 04:59
BOOK III: MUDD MULLIGAN
Mudd stared into the sinister toiletry isle. It lurked with unknown fearful dangerous dangers. He started walking through the isle. He leant on the side of the isle and the products burst into song.
“What’s your problem?
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LEDGEND OF THE FISHCAKEWARRIORS BOOK II: AUNTY OXIDANT

April 16th 2007 07:59
BOOK II: AUNTY OXIDANT


Aunty Oxidant was first to leave, harboring through the perilous walls of tempting temptation. One foot at a time she walked. She had journeyed almost halfway across the isle when a lolly snake burst from it’s packet and whispered in her ear.
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Great: Part 4 (FINAL)

February 19th 2007 02:46
Brisbane Skyline as seen from south bank


Dutch shakes me to wake me up. I open my eyes


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Great: Part Three

February 17th 2007 07:29
a messy room


She opens the door and steps inside I follow. She has a small room, with cupboards and a bed. To one side is a kitchen. To the other is a bathroom and toilet, along with a washing machine. That’s all


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THE LEGEND OF THE FISHCAKE WARRIORS: BOOK ONE: THE LEDGEND BEGINS

January 30th 2007 05:15
The fishcakes had been left alone to their own devices for many years, at the deepest darkest sector of the Woolworth’s freezer isle. Through this time they had grown in size and power, and the six strongest rose to their feet and began to teach the other fishcakes the ways of the warrior, honor and the fishcake lord, Wedginald…
Not until a year later, when the fishcakes were a huge threat, did the jolly PM of Australia react.
“Oh Robert!” He called.
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