Brandon 2
KitaTHE FIRST GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH
August 30th 2007 12:58
The first girl I ever fell in love with liked it when I photographed her naked. I was afraid of her, but I kept following anyway. She littered her rooftop with flower petals and made me climb up with her. We made love on the roof. She was calm and I kept thinking about falling and being paralysed for the rest of my life. I was the first person she made love with since she was hurt as a child.
We had sex everywhere. Floor. Wall. Parking lot. Shopping centre. Park. Grass. Sports field. Library. University bathroom.
She didn’t want to tell a man that we were together. She couldn’t take the guilt and broke up with me. Upset, I went and saw my ex girlfriend and she gave me a handjob.
The first girl I fell in love with eventually contacted me again. She cooked me rice and dropped it at the front of my house. She left a note that said, Sorry. I chased her and things were okay for a while. I eventually told her what I had done. I told her after she decided to kiss an old friend from Sydney. She kissed him where we had our first kiss. I had never hated myself so much.
She moved away and things ended. I still think about her. I can’t concentrate after she calls me on random nights. She tells me about men. Men and their desires. I don’t want to know if they’re chasing her, or if she’s chasing them back.
The first girl I fell in love with cried when she was moving away. We were making love and she cried. She told me that she didn’t want to go, and she had never looked so upset. I didn’t want to move when she boarded the airplane. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. It took me a while to fall asleep again. I guess it’s because I’m young. Young and clueless.
We still fight. Sometimes she tells me she misses me. She wrote me a letter and pasted our photo on it. She will always read my writing.
People tell me that love is replaceable. Someone on Oprah said that there’s more than one soul mate out there for all of us. An aunt of mine dated a man for eight years before meeting her current husband. She realised the man she was dating was not the one. The man she was dating thought she was the one, though.
Love comes when we are awake and not looking. It engulfs us in a sick sort of realisation, a much needed requiem that provides a reminding truth: that we were nothing but empty shells without it. When its music yawns and finally moves back home, we’re scarred for good, but yet still somehow the same.
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Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
As always you capure the moment very tenderly and perfectly.
I really hope you find the good you seem to be looking for.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Thanks for the compliment. Yes, things have been quite good in my life lately. I'm making the most of it.
I've been reading your poems - I hope all is going well with you!
Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum