Brandon 2
KitaWorking Hard or Hardly Working?
May 22nd 2007 07:30
Trent was working really hard on his assignment, he decided despite all the bad grades he had received throughout the year he was going to prove to himself and everyone around him that he could do a good job if he focused on it.
It wasn't that he didn't like the course he had taken at university, he just didn't understand what this had to do with his passion, why he had taken the course to begin with. He knew well enough that he was doing a lot of unnecessary work, if for anything to have a beefed up resume when he's ready to take on the world.
Sadly, it wasn't that simple and after the first year he realized that university was just a mere continuation of his education to a higher level - that is he was still being taught irrelevant subjects that had nothing to do with what he wanted.
If he didn't do well on this assignment he would quite possibly fail this one subject, something he didn't know if his already damaged morale could withstand. He probably went through the worst six months of his life, worse than back in high school, worse than when he went on a failing streak where he couldn't get a mark above 60% no matter how hard he tried.
Ultimately he had seen it coming from a mile away, he always knew that what would break him was not any one significant occurrence but rather a bunch of simple nagging problems that would inevitably overwhelm him.
Still, despite doing his best to prepare for this time in his life, which he wished would not have come so soon, had completely overwhelmed him. Despite predicting the event years of deliberately making himself feel down and cynical was getting the better of him.
He knew, if he kept himself down for all this time he would never have the power to overcome life’s real trials, indeed he hadn't even reached any of life’s trials and was on the verge of cracking, dropping out of uni and going to work as a telemarketer for a respectable wage.
Asking himself 'why?', why what?, 'why am I doing this, why don't I just quit and work a small job, enough to make me money', because you want to gain respect in the community, between your friends, everyone, 'But why do I? Does it matter what they think? I'm a good person and I know I am, why should I look for other peoples approvals?', because were humans, we gain a great deal of satisfaction out of being acknowledged, 'but I don't', well most people do, 'but I'm not like most people, I'm me, myself and I, I give more money to charity than most others do, I work hard and long to make people happy and hate being acknowledged for it, I don't care what other people think, I know I'm a good person, I don't need to look any further'.
He was lying to himself, it wasn't as simple as knowing he was a good person, which indeed he was, it was about the way other people looked at him. Despite years of lying to himself he did care what people thought of him more so than other people. Though of all the people in the world he had his eyes set on one person, one person, the only person who refused to acknowledge his very existence... and the only person he really ever loved.
That’s why he was doing all this, to impress people, to be a respectable person whose opinions mattered.
‘Is it worth it?’ he asked himself… perhaps… perhaps not… he knew that person whom he cherished did not like him at all, he knew it was impossible, not only to gain the acknowledgment of the person he cherished but to gain the approval of people closer to him, like his family.
In the end his assignment was worthless, it was just another stupid little thing he was doing so that he could have the right to do something else, so that people may like him, not even that, so that he may do good to the world so the world will respect him.
‘To hell with that’ he said to himself, dropped his assignment and started working on what he wanted to, his passion, the reason he started going to university. It wasn’t right, like blowing your fortune on a simple lottery, but he had to take the shot, he had to do what he loved and do it so well that it would pay off in the end.
It wasn't that he didn't like the course he had taken at university, he just didn't understand what this had to do with his passion, why he had taken the course to begin with. He knew well enough that he was doing a lot of unnecessary work, if for anything to have a beefed up resume when he's ready to take on the world.
Sadly, it wasn't that simple and after the first year he realized that university was just a mere continuation of his education to a higher level - that is he was still being taught irrelevant subjects that had nothing to do with what he wanted.
If he didn't do well on this assignment he would quite possibly fail this one subject, something he didn't know if his already damaged morale could withstand. He probably went through the worst six months of his life, worse than back in high school, worse than when he went on a failing streak where he couldn't get a mark above 60% no matter how hard he tried.
Ultimately he had seen it coming from a mile away, he always knew that what would break him was not any one significant occurrence but rather a bunch of simple nagging problems that would inevitably overwhelm him.
Still, despite doing his best to prepare for this time in his life, which he wished would not have come so soon, had completely overwhelmed him. Despite predicting the event years of deliberately making himself feel down and cynical was getting the better of him.
He knew, if he kept himself down for all this time he would never have the power to overcome life’s real trials, indeed he hadn't even reached any of life’s trials and was on the verge of cracking, dropping out of uni and going to work as a telemarketer for a respectable wage.
Asking himself 'why?', why what?, 'why am I doing this, why don't I just quit and work a small job, enough to make me money', because you want to gain respect in the community, between your friends, everyone, 'But why do I? Does it matter what they think? I'm a good person and I know I am, why should I look for other peoples approvals?', because were humans, we gain a great deal of satisfaction out of being acknowledged, 'but I don't', well most people do, 'but I'm not like most people, I'm me, myself and I, I give more money to charity than most others do, I work hard and long to make people happy and hate being acknowledged for it, I don't care what other people think, I know I'm a good person, I don't need to look any further'.
He was lying to himself, it wasn't as simple as knowing he was a good person, which indeed he was, it was about the way other people looked at him. Despite years of lying to himself he did care what people thought of him more so than other people. Though of all the people in the world he had his eyes set on one person, one person, the only person who refused to acknowledge his very existence... and the only person he really ever loved.
That’s why he was doing all this, to impress people, to be a respectable person whose opinions mattered.
‘Is it worth it?’ he asked himself… perhaps… perhaps not… he knew that person whom he cherished did not like him at all, he knew it was impossible, not only to gain the acknowledgment of the person he cherished but to gain the approval of people closer to him, like his family.
In the end his assignment was worthless, it was just another stupid little thing he was doing so that he could have the right to do something else, so that people may like him, not even that, so that he may do good to the world so the world will respect him.
‘To hell with that’ he said to himself, dropped his assignment and started working on what he wanted to, his passion, the reason he started going to university. It wasn’t right, like blowing your fortune on a simple lottery, but he had to take the shot, he had to do what he loved and do it so well that it would pay off in the end.
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